The most difficult job I’ve ever had is begin all alone. My family left me in 2009. Since that July day, it has been nothing but struggling against the maddening side effects of loneliness. When someone you love and the mother of your children tells you she wishes you dead, you’ve got to question your judgment.
After 24 years I still can’t shake off the need to care for others. I just finished shoveling snow for 90 minutes. Was looking forward to it all night. When grocery shopping is the highlight of your day, it’s hard to keep one’s attitude above water—finding joy in cleaning a bathroom.
Even work doesn’t fill that void in my heart. That void where I would care for people I loved. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even here or just a figment of my loneliness.
After the pandemic, all relationships evolved. More of us living in shells of our former selves, afraid to make eye contact.
To much snow for cycling today. A snow day I did not need!
cycleology 
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