cycleology

If you were fortunate enough to have or have had a Father? He will prove you best friend in life. I had a Father for almost eighteen years. He wasn’t perfect nor am I. His good parts were the best a young man could get.

When he was gone I was devastated. The last the I saw and spoke with him was not the best of me. I regret this tremendously. He struggled with heart disease in the ’60s, so his days were numbered. He devoured Nitro Glycerin pills like candy while hunting and golfing.

My Father taught me everything that made me successful as a human being and fellow citizen of earth. I have empathy, compassion, and understanding for other people’s lives. Many, it appears, do not.

My Father taught me boundless common sense through his instilling of a work ethic, raking leaves, cutting grass, cleaning gutters, shoveling snow, cutting firewood, painting our house, and clearing snow from an elderly neighbor’s driveway. We did it all together hunting, fishing, hiking, camping, construction, engine repair, cooking, and cleaning. I cherished every second.

My Father was A Force Of Nature and a God as I understood God’s. He had all the answers I sought and all the solutions I needed. He knew everything and shared it all. He often spoke of respecting our elders and the vast knowledge they’ve acquired. He looked out for our village elders. His superhero power was making everyone think he was a tough guy. He was the Robin Hood of our village.

As I saw it my Father’s life was perfect. Beautiful family home and family on a private lake with private hunting, fishing and private paradise out our front and back doors. He seemed unsatisfied sometimes, and I struggled to understand why. He drank too much in alcohol’s heyday. It helped take his life way too early. He smoked. That didn’t help. Different era for smokers and drinkers.

I could see the pressures of adulthood attacking him but couldn’t comprehend their source.

I had three children for some years. They were my best friends. I love being their Father, their Dad, their Best Friend. Forces beyond my control took them from me as well. Infidelity, weakness, and more money collaborated to destroy my new family. Raising those three innocent souls from “Brand New,” as my daughter put it was the best thing I’ve done. Every moment from the first dirty diapers to that first bicycle journey across our driveway, catching that first fish, riding that sled, scoring that goal. Every one of those moments and every moment in between were the most precious moments life has brought me.

It was just death that devastated my original family. Families without Fathers will always struggle. Especially the ones conspiring against their men.

Now my children have forgotten I was ever there or mattered. This was the plan; separating children from their Fathers, young enough to forget they ever had a Father and all they accomplished together in that short but glorious time we had together..

I remember the last time I saw my Father, the last time I saw my children. Those were the two saddest days of my life.